If you have read ANYTHING I have ever written, than you know I’m ALL ABOUT being positive. Positive self talk… positive energy… that’s the combination that will change your life!
Here is the list of the top 10 words / phrases that defeat, destroy and deflate… Drum Roll Please…..
This word negates EVERYTHING that preceded it. EVERYTHING. I was going to help, but… I was going to do it, but…. I thought it would work, but… This one … this one single word is a big huge negative bomb. I understand, believe me I do! We want people to know that our intentions are one place even though our actions are another. Guess what, put your actions where your mouth is. Change it to; I did the activity… or I did it. And in the case of failure, explain; I did it… it didn’t work out like I thought, I’ll give it another go, tomorrow.
- Could have
This one also negates …except it negates everything AFTER it. There is no reason for saying these two words together unless you are making an observation to encourage someone to try again, as in… That could have worked, try again! Most people use “could have” in terms of what they believe they “could have” done had they been “given” the opportunity. In this case… no one GIVES opportunities, but rather, people create them by noticing them and appreciating them and participating in them. COULD HAVE is the beginning of one of the most common lament of loss and speaks volumes about the speakers sense of current possibilities… Or actually their perception of the lack of possibilities.
- If only
This small phrase tells me that the person speaking has lost something, whether it is a tangible item or a lost opportunity, these 2 little words are soul crushing and so filled with longing that they leave no room for any other possibilities.
As a parent I use this word all the time when I don’t want to be tied down to a definitive yes/no answer. However, this little word (much like the word “might” that follows) is easy for me to say, but is teaching a terrible lesson on how to stall. Really, if you think about it, “maybe” is the great… stall. Maybe you will do this or that… maybe… maybe… tells us to look forward to a possibility in the future that doesn’t exist this moment. Many people use maybe to stay where they are and not move forward.
Might is similar to maybe. I might do this, I might do that… the bottom line is, plan it… and make it happen. Change your MIGHT to WILL do that… I will do this…
- Should have
The lament of the broken… I should have… this is probably the hardest phrase to stop from uttering especially when the world seems destined to attempt to destroy us. We believe that looking back there was something we could have done to change who / what / where we are, and I say… Yes, you could have done things differently but than you wouldn’t be who you are now. If you have smoked cigarettes for 40 years and have been diagnosed with cancer, you don’t know that if you hadn’t smoked you would have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s instead. Terrible diseases, yes, and I encourage you to look past the labels and understand that right now, this moment you decide how this moment will be. Either filled with the joy of watching someone you love laugh, or reading a book or doing a Sudoku, or misery lamenting.
This word seems a little dreamy to be on the list of deflaters, right? After all, how is having a dream about someday going to destroy me? Use of this word tells me that the person speaking isn’t concentrating on this moment. Isn’t thinking about right now and may not be ready to get off their couch and act as if their success already exists. There is NEVER a better time than right this moment to start… anything.
Sometime is similar to someday, it speaks about putting off any effort whether it is just simply arranging your dreams in your mind… this “putting” off to sometime or someday will eventually catch up with the person and they will than be the lamenter talking about “If only” and “could have’s”.
I will try… is different from I will. Remove try from your vocabulary and your success is pretty much guaranteed. This three-letter word is responsible for more people giving up than any other word. Why? Because it allows them to give up before they even start. It speaks about failure before even making an attempt at success. I’m sure you’ve heard, “well all you can do is try”… Saying, “I tried”… tells me the speaker attempted, did not succeed or didn’t like it and gave up. Saying, “I will do it” gives you confidence and authority in your success.
- Would have
This phrase usually goes with BUT … (and you know by now that BUT is the GREAT DESTROYER!) How many times have you heard, “I would have, but…” Like Nike says, “Just do it”. Just do something. Yes, I understand it is so much easier to sit on the couch and watch reruns of Monk or Pysch or NCIS… and sometimes we just need one of those days to chill… the point of this whole post is to tell you that you are in control. You tell yourself things that you believe and you in turn live.
You tell yourself that you are too old to go back to school and as a result another year goes by and you are another year older and pretty soon you look back and say, “If only I had gone back to school when I first thought about it 5 years ago”
This moment. This very moment is meant for you to do one thing. One small thing you have been meaning to do, one thing you want to do. That small thing that will move you closer to that goal of having/doing/feeling/experiencing … success.
So, get off the couch and put the newspaper in your purse, so you have it when you are on the train (remember how you keep kicking yourself for not looking for a new job while you are on your way to work at the job you hate)
Step away from the computer and go switch those loads of laundry
go plug in your ipod so that you will have music tomorrow morning and can’t use that as an excuse not to go for a walk.
and above all else, speak nicely to yourself. Encourage yourself. Understand that this moment will be yesterday in the blink of an eye… you can do something with it right now.
Make today amazing.