Have you ever spoken to someone that just wanted to "vent", but instead what they really wanted to was to "stew"?
Venting: get's it out, releases it, talks it out, works it out
Stewing: everything gets thrown in a pot... as the complaints come out they get saved and are the basis for a big hot mess as everything just builds and nothing get released or worked out. Oh and eventually it gets served, but by that time it's unrecognizable.
How do you know if someone is venting or stewing? Here are 2 clues
#1) If someone is trying to help you and you are arguing with them... you are stewing.
#2) If you keep saying the same thing over and over... you are stewing.
#3) If you say any of these words or phrases more than once or twice:
Why does everyone do that to me
How come I'm the only one
I tried, I really tried
Why isn't ....
You are stewing
Have you ever tried to help someone in a good old-fashioned STEW? It's like they aren't trying to "work out" anything, but rather the more they talk about it, the more heated they sound. The more annoyed they get. The more righteous and/or misunderstood.
This morning I had a "chat" with someone and I completely misunderstood my role. I thought she needed to vent and wanted someone to help her work out her next step to overcome a set back.... I was wrong. It feels like she wanted to Stew.
She couldn't get past what she considered being dumped on... and I wouldn't support her in feeling that way.
Without giving any of the details, I encouraged her to reply to the email that started the situation with three simple words: I am sorry.
Anything before or after those words would negate their effect.
I guess what I couldn't convey to her was how to "feel" sorry. She felt misunderstood, or unjustly accused. AND she said she was up since 2:30 am working out how she felt about that the email...
I'm trying to put this nicely... and I keep re-writing this sentence, so let me just say this.
First, someone else's opinion shouldn't keep you up at night. You either agree or disagree. If you agree, that's great, you have a starting point for some choices to make changes. If you disagree, that's great too, you can let it go and move on.
Second, my experience has taught me people RARELY write what they are really mad about. Someone telling you that they don't appreciate you... is someone who doesn't appreciate themselves and is taking it out on you! Now is not the time to take it personally... now is the time to help your friend feel better about themselves.
Take the hit. I told her to take the hit square in her chest and move on... let it go and go back to being the best friend she knows how to be.
The other point I tried to get across to her is this: Know your worth.
Every day, every moment... understand your uniqueness and your worth. You are awesome.
If you don't always know how much you are worth, than minor and major set-backs are going to take longer to overcome or work around because you will waste time second guessing and re-evaluating your worth.
If you know your worth... than reading words that say you're selfish, will slide right off your shoulders like water... and when the words obvious meaning is lost.. it's easier to see the reason behind the words, and understand that maybe they have nothing to do with you.
Now... back to the beginning... about venting.
VENTING: To let go, or release.
If you are up since 2:30 am (it now being 6:00 am) going over and over how you feel about an email you that you received... You are no longer venting... You are Stewing.
STEWING: To cook for a really long time until everything is mushy and tastes the same 🙂
You will NEVER understand how someone else feels.
You will NEVER control what someone else does
You ONLY have control over your choices and decisions... and you can say, "She's really hurt, how can I fix this" or "I am not those things she said, I'm going to email her back and tell her"
Sometimes... being happy is better than being right.
OK.. having said all that! It's time for me to MAKE TODAY AMAZING!
Have a great day
OH, I almost forgot, I'm going to be running a webinar next Friday going over the basics on how to build a professional looking website with your paid wordpress account. Here's the link to register, only $15.00 to attend
Please register for How to use WordPress to setup a Professional Website. on May 17, 2013 7:00 PM EDT at:
Gone are the days when a programming degree is required to launch and update a professional website. If you can use send an email, you can update your website.
Many of my small business clients are computer savvy enough to want to have more control over their web presence and create an experience that is LESS "out of the box" and MORE like themselves.... Fantastic, Amazing and Unique!
This webinar is designed to provide a introduction to the wonderful world of WordPress!
Learn how to update the look of your site by:
Setup Social Buttons
Setup up Subscription Registration
Change your Theme
Learn about Widgets and their placement
Finally we will discuss how to host and run your website for under $100.00 a year, using the free wordpress tools.
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the webinar.
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