Do you feel like you are constantly and unsuccessfully defending yourself?
Do you feel like, your conversations are starting with the reasons why something isn't your fault?
Do you feel beat down and day after day required to provide proof of the quality and usefulness of your existence?
Well, that's got to stop and I'm going to tell you a few things that you can do today that will help.
ONE: You worry about you.
I know that sounds silly and maybe even childish, in fact, I tell this to my kids almost every day, when I ask them if they cleaned their room, and they immediately try to deflect whatever they think I'm implying by telling me that... Their sister didn't clean her room either.
You worry about you, because... A) It's the only person you truly have control over and B) If your stuff is done, then no matter what the question... you will have a satisfied and honest answer.
Many times, we get distracted by other people's stuff... worry about you.
In the office place, Do your job. That's it. Don't worry about other people, and what they need... do your job first, then you can help them. That way, if your boss comes to you for your reports... you can hand them over.
Don't worry about what someone else will say because you didn't drop everything to immediately help them. You worry about you, get your stuff done, then you can help other people.
TWO: You answer to you
Let me make this clear. The first person you have to answer to, is yourself. You should always be your own true meter of worth. In other words, when you think about how you feel about your financial, spiritual, relationship, health, wellness or professional situation; you should be thinking in terms of what you want... not what you think other people think, or what other people have, or what other people want.
Once you realize that your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters, you will be able to do so much more. Please yourself.
Recently I changed my hair color. Really changed it.
I would say the unsolicited opinions were split right down the middle.
Honestly, it was such a change, that for the first day I thought I had made a big mistake and wore a hat.
That's when I started thinking.
What and who was I afraid of? The answer was other people.
Long story short... I realized that no one was going to punch me out because I changed my hair color.. and the worst, the absolute worst thing they could do was give me THEIR opinion... and that can't literally hurt me, it can only emotionally hurt me if I let it.
I decided that I liked the color. I decided that since I liked it, it didn't matter what anyone else thought. So, when opinions came in (and they did) I thanked each person for their opinion (good and bad) and I admitted unapologetically to each person that I loved my new hair color.
THREE: Be honest with yourself and others
You know, one of my challenges is cleaning. HATE IT. Always have, always will. I struggled for years with cleaning. (I know I know, I have friends that just can't believe this part of my life is such a problem.)
To make matters worse, I honestly thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't keep my house clean.
Several years ago, I gave myself permission to keep my house clean in the easiest and most relaxing way... I pay someone else to do it.
It's amazing. Once a week, a friend comes in and cleans... This is a symbiotic relationship, she could use the $30.00 and I love my nice clean house.
The point is... I had to be honest with myself. I found myself frustrated and angry, literally disliking every moment that I spent walking around the house picking up, sweeping up, vacuuming up, wiping up... I walked around muttering under my breath...hated it. I loved the end result, but if felt like the 3 hours leading up to that end result was pure torture.
So, instead of doing it every week, or a little every day, I would put it off far too long and then it was even more terrible.
Now.... Now I work a little harder at something that I love so I can afford to pay my friend every week to come and clean. We are both happy.
FOUR: Practice a spirit of abundance and thankfulness
This is probably the most important and hardest to explain. So, I will attempt to explain it with the least amount of words possible.
Recognize what you have, experience the "largeness" of it and be thankful.
Living in a spirit of abundance and thankfulness is a process.
Meditation is good practice. Another great way to practice is to set aside a few minutes each hour and pick one thing that you are thankful for... whether it's a cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger or co-worker, having enough gas in your car for a few days, clean clothes, hot water, spring rain for the seeds you planted... the goal is to get into practice being thankful for things ... maybe things that you take for granted.
The more thankful you are for the things, events, people, circumstances, situations... you are currently experiencing... the more you will feel filled with abundance.
It's like a wonderful circle of abundance, the more you recognize, the more you have. It's a great feeling and it can change your life from being one where there is constantly a feeling of "not having" to a constant feeling of abundance and plenty.
The hardest stumbling block is when we compare ourselves to other people. Keep this in mind. You have no idea. NONE!
When we see a nice car, nice house, big yard, in ground pool... we think we know. we don't. We have absolutely no idea about someone else's struggles... So, focus on ourselves and creating a life of wonderful joy and abundance, and then....
FIVE: Share your wealth
It doesn't matter how little you think you have, there is always someone who has less. share.
Share old clothes. Share a meal. Share your time. Share because you can and you want to. Find something that really speaks to you... and share.
When my family started practicing these five steps, we started very small in the sharing area. We started by waiting until there were pet food coupons and then we would buy some extra cat food and dog food, then bring that to the animal shelter. It was literally $2.50 for 12 cans of cat food.
Than I felt very powerfully about donating to the wounded warrior fund (www.woundedwarriorproject.org) and it's important to know that even small amounts will add up ... each bit counts. My contribution counts. I count.
Now, I empty my pantry 4 times a year of things that I bought but haven't used and donate it to the local food pantry.
AND... even though some weeks are leaner than others, I know of a family that's struggling and I can usually find a reason to drop off something they might like to give them a little boost in moral.
In all cases... I was able to give with an open giving heart, without expectations of "getting" anything in return BECAUSE, I already felt so happy. I already felt like I had this abundant surplus of things which I was so thankful of... that I couldn't imagine not sharing.
In the end... I have attracted with these great steps more than I could have ever imagined. Everything from a guitar when my daughter wanted to take lessons to more coaching clients than I can schedule.
So, relax. Enjoy each moment. Turn your negative thoughts into positive thoughts of thankfulness and abundance. Practice.
And Make Today Ridiculously Amazing.